I am so brutal at this! I forget I have it and then remember 5 months later!!!
Well, since the last post sooo much has been going on. Somedays I am so very overwhelmed at all of it. I am tired of pretending and faking it. I truly love the Lord and would not and could not imagine turning my back on Him. However, much of what I believe and have been taught growing up, is under scrutiny. At times I feel bad about that, but then I think...why should I not evaluate all that I believe and KNOW why I believe it. Does it line up with the Word of God? Does it reflect how Christ acted? Or is it just what is what makes me and everyone comfortable? As I reflect on how Christ was on earth, I truly think I would have been shocked and uncomfortable with Him. He was a radical. He was unpredictable. He confronted tradition with bold and unsettling truth. He was unashamedly kind to ugly, downtrodden, sin riddled, desperate people. People like me. I feel as though the foundation of my faith is still firmly in place, but I am so tired of traditional thinking. I want to be real and not act as though being a Christian makes me happy and put together. Don't get me wrong, I have peace and joy through Christ, but that does not mean I always feel happy and I certainly do not have my act together.
Perhaps none of this makes sense. Perhaps I am all wrong. All I know is that I want more in Christ and I am not settling for okay. I am willing to walk through all the crap in my life, pull up the roots (not just mow the weeds down every once in awhile) and get radical. This road is fairly lonely though. It is ugly and rough and not alot of people understand or want to see ugliness. Our human tendency seems to want to cover it up and spray it with lovely perfume. Am I being too harsh? too critical? Maybe...all I know is that I crave the full realness of Christ, I crave to be real, and to see other people be truly real.
Verse of Day:
" The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble....God will not forget the needy; the hope of the afflicted will never perish."
This give me confidence that I can come before my God in complete honesty, and in desperate need and He will not despise me or turn me away. He will heal, counsel and keep me close. Oh boy, do I ever need and want that!