Time flies!

I am so brutal at this! I forget I have it and then remember 5 months later!!!
Well, since the last post sooo much has been going on. Somedays I am so very overwhelmed at all of it. I am tired of pretending and faking it. I truly love the Lord and would not and could not imagine turning my back on Him. However, much of what I believe and have been taught growing up, is under scrutiny. At times I feel bad about that, but then I think...why should I not evaluate all that I believe and KNOW why I believe it. Does it line up with the Word of God? Does it reflect how Christ acted? Or is it just what is what makes me and everyone comfortable? As I reflect on how Christ was on earth, I truly think I would have been shocked and uncomfortable with Him. He was a radical. He was unpredictable. He confronted tradition with bold and unsettling truth. He was unashamedly kind to ugly, downtrodden, sin riddled, desperate people. People like me. I feel as though the foundation of my faith is still firmly in place, but I am so tired of traditional thinking. I want to be real and not act as though being a Christian makes me happy and put together. Don't get me wrong, I have peace and joy through Christ, but that does not mean I always feel happy and I certainly do not have my act together.
Perhaps none of this makes sense. Perhaps I am all wrong. All I know is that I want more in Christ and I am not settling for okay. I am willing to walk through all the crap in my life, pull up the roots (not just mow the weeds down every once in awhile) and get radical. This road is fairly lonely though. It is ugly and rough and not alot of people understand or want to see ugliness. Our human tendency seems to want to cover it up and spray it with lovely perfume. Am I being too harsh? too critical? Maybe...all I know is that I crave the full realness of Christ, I crave to be real, and to see other people be truly real.
Verse of Day:
Psalm 9:9,18
" The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble....God will not forget the needy; the hope of the afflicted will never perish."
This give me confidence that I can come before my God in complete honesty, and in desperate need and He will not despise me or turn me away. He will heal, counsel and keep me close. Oh boy, do I ever need and want that!
Nitasha

Why me?

I ask myself this question so often. Usually it is because I am having a pity party by myself....

There are a lot of tough things going on right now and I don't understand why it has to be this way. I have all the head knowledge of how good God is, how He will use this to my good and His glory, that He is always faithful... I know these things, and believe them...I just want to feel it and see it.

However, this post is not about that. I have many blessings that I could say why me to, yet I tend to think why not me. I take them as my right and not my blessings. So, this post is to give glory where it is due...the Giver of all the "why me's" in my life.

Why me, Lord?...Why do I have three gorgeous kids when others struggle? I thank you for the blessings that I take forgranted and sometimes mistreat.

Why me Lord?...Why do I have health and strength? I have a strong body that I often over feed and under use. I complain when I have minor aches and pains when others live in chronic pain or disease. Thanks for my health.

Why me Lord? This is a question that will probably never have the answers that totally satisfy until I meet my Jesus face to face. I am glad that I have a Savior that is big enough to handle my whys and not turn away.

This being said...I had a fun day with my family. I really like being together all five of us and just goofing around.

Deklan is such a shyster...always pulling a fast one and running even faster! Oh me makes me laugh.

Tobyn coming to defend or rescue and just be a part of everything that is going on. She will not and does not miss a beat.

Nate just happily watches and tries so hard to get into what we are doing. Soon enough my love.

Raynold...a nerd through and through...but he always makes us laugh and tackle him.

Verse of the Day:

Isaiah 40:11 "He tends his flock like a shepard: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those with young."

I love this verse. It gives me comfort when I ask why. I don't know the answers to the why's but I do know HE leads me, and carries me close to His heart. How precious is that? He gently leads those that have young...Oh how I remind Him of this and He truly has never failed me.

Today we walked a mile for Liberian orphans. This was the second year that we did this. It is a good reminder for me that no matter how tough it is right now, we still have options. These kids and moms have no options, I can't imagine how difficult it would be to hear your kids crying from hunger and not be able to do anything about it! It is so good for me to get over myself and see that others have struggles too. I have so many blessings. So, I am going to list some of them here today to remind myself that there is so many things that I can and should be grateful and thankful for.

I am thankful that my relationship with Dad is on the mend and that if I have not seen him in two weeks, I really miss him. Even Raynold does too. That is truly a miracle, and one I am so thankful for.

I am so glad for my husband and three amazing kids. I can't even imagine what my life would be without each one. God has so uniquely and perfectly put this family together in more precious ways than I could have ever imagined.

I am thankful for the really tough times we have and are having. It is so hard somedays, but the trust I am learning in a big God that can take may ranting vents, my prayerful praise and rushed requests is so good.

I am thankful for my mom and brothers and their families. I am so blessed to have each one of them. They make my life full of laughter, love and such great memories.

I am so thankful for my aunt and uncle and my cousins. I feel so accepted and loved and wanted by them. They have loved me through more than one crisis. They have taught me how deeply a family was meant to love and that family is always there for you.

I am so glad for my pets. Sounds crazy, but I believe they are a godsend to this family. Our dog, Boots, she sleeps in front of our door and guards us well. She is so gentle with the kids and when we walk, she follows behind and is on constant guard for our safety. Our kitten, Shack, is so fun to watch. Watching her often makes me smile or laugh out loud and man do I need that! She loves to play with kids and she is very good with them too.

This "thankful" exercise was good for me. I feel strengthened and renewed.

Verse of the day:

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

I love that the Bible has no idle words. When He commands us to give thanks in all things, He knows what is He talking about, it actually brings joy and healing to our hearts, even if the circumstances have not changed. I love my Jesus.

Nate and his God provided miracle

I tried to put this on with the post, but apparently I don't really know what I am doing:) So, here is Natey enjoying his formula.

Everyday miracles

Well, it has been almost two months since my last post. I keep forgetting that I have one!
The last two months have been quite full. Day by day it seems a little boring at times, but... looking back, quite a lot has gone on.
Our buisness is completely over and that has been quite hard for me. Not about the buisness per say but with all the other stuff that comes with it: People hating you, not being able to do things you used to take forgranted, like paying bills and whatnot.
God is teaching us so much each day and one of them is that He is able to make something out of nothing, take creation for example. We have witnessed many miracles, maybe we always have, now we are actually paying attention and thanking God for all the little things.
One huge example of his provision is formula for my baby. I did not have more money to buy some, but did not feel comfortable with putting him on milk yet. I talked to a dear friend about it and she told me to call the health nurse. So, I swallowed my pride and did and wow did God prove himself faithful. My health nurse showed up about 15 minutes later with his arms full of formula for free! About 4 weeks worth of it! I was so overwhelmed with gratitude and praise.
Day to day is a struggle but I keep thinking of George Mueller( a man who trust God for absolutely everything and never lacked) and I remember that the God who was more than faithful to George is also more than faithful to Nitasha.
I am so awed by the fact that the God who will soon return on white horse in amazing glory cares about my little son and his need for formula. Love so amazing, so divine, demands my life, my soul, my all.....
Verse of the day:
"Cast ALL your anxiety on Him for He cares for you." 1 Peter 4:7

Love = Sheer exhaustion

Well, my night was far too short last night! Tobyn was coughing like crazy and slept in our bed for awhile and in the middle of this, Nate. Nate had a fever and was up for two hours! This is not like him at all. He is quite warm and he has not peed really today! I need to keep a close eye on him. Tobyn has a nasty head cold and feels miserable. To top it off, my mom just called and said that she now has the stomach flu, so we had to cancel our Thursday dinner.
I am exhausted, but that is what happens when the little loves of your life need you.
I had breakfast with my two cousins and and their kiddies and as usual, it was a busy, crazy, but fun morning! Three moms and 6 kids, 4 and under!!!!!!!!! It is a tradition now and I for one would not miss it for anything.
Verse of the day: Isaiah 40:11 He tends his flocks like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.
This verse comes to me often. I so many times when I am tired and frustrated and take it out on my kids. It reminds me to let Jesus lead me, I don't need to strive and fight and do it on my own and that is a tremendous relief. I love that I have a Savior that tends to me so gently and never gives up.

Needles and Bandaids

Well today my baby had his 4 month needles and he did so good! He is one tough cookie. He was mad for about 10 seconds and that was it. Deklan and Tobyn were so glad that they did not need to have needles as well:) My baby weighs 15 pounds and is at the 50% of road for his age. Here I thought he was a huge boy, but he is average. My other two were so little that I had no idea what normal was.
My brother and sister in law are moving today and I have there daughter and she is the same age as my girl. They are so funny! They both have the tiniest "owies" and they needed bandaids!
I have had the flu the last few days, but today I finally feel better, and so does Raynold and the kids! That is a huge blessing.
Speaking of blessings, this weather is amazing! We have played outside two days in a row now! Whooo Hoooo!!!!! Once the mud goes away, it will be perfect!
So I am going to start a verse of the day for each post I do.
Here it is: Isaiah 49:16 See I have engraved you in the palm of my hands....
I love this verse. Many times in my life I have felt so alone and forgotten, but this verse reminds me that I am always before my Lord, He sees me and I have never been forgotten. I feel very loved when I recall this verse. Have a God blessed day!